You play as karate guy, Chinese girl, Japanese school girl, dictator guy, good military guy, evil military guy, Russian wrestler guy, or some other characters in an attempt to beat the shit out of everyone else on the roster. You’re more than likely going to have to deal with people spamming fireball attacks over and over and over again.
you play as this little fucking kid with a weird striped shirt and a shitty bat, as well as some rockin powers. you have this annoying ass neighbor kid whos always fucking up everything you do. you were told by a bug from a meteor you were one of the chosen four and you have to save the world. your other partners are a girl with a frying pan & teddy bear, a smart kid with a bowl cut, and a prince who has a very unfortunate name. you eventually battle the boss who is a twisted up fucking red demon thing and its really horrifying THE END
ur in this mansion and u turn lights on. Thats it.
a piece of paper fighting other pieces of paper
You’re some kind of fox thing who wears pants and walks on two legs. You need to find pink crystals for this tiny yellow skinned guy with an N on his forehead. You also jump on boxes and you collect apples while weird men try to kill you. You also have a talking mask that sometimes follows you around
You’re this guy or girl that gets your ass handed to you, and are forced to destroy the entire ecosystem and you dont get rewarded for it aside from things to make more thing that help you go kill more things. and you literally do nothing else in the game except pick up poop.
so you’re drop off literally in the middle of nowhere with absolutely nothing but hey, you can punch trees with your bare hands also you’re a little shit who can barely hold his breath under water and pretty much everything wants to kill you or blow you up
basically you fall through shitty ass holes in walls and ceilings and floors and stuff with the hole maker 3000
and you’re talked down by some arrogant fuck for the last ten minutes of the game
you play as some kind of shitty scientist. It’s basically minecraft except not blocky. And there are 3x as many monsters. You can’t build a house.
you run around as a rodent with kleptomania while fighting an egg dude, also the water levels are full of ass.
Youre a creepy dirty criminal who gets arrested before you even start playing the game and then oh shit theres a dragon and you follow some big hairy guys through some dark gross tunnels and there are fucking spiders and then after that its like minecraft but you can’t build anything and everyone is always pushing their problems on you and nobody can get their own stuff done without you holding their hand through it and your horse dies all the time and your dog doesnt even belong to you and you get this stupid housecarl named lydia who gets in the way all the time and you run out of inventory like shit oh no its a pair of butterfly wings i cant walk anymore. and your horse dies all the time.12 year olds on mics spamming you with trade requests, demanding hats.
You perpetuate endless cycles of self-sabotage.
The Russians win.
Game 1: You snuck into summer camp right when someone just hatched a plot to take over the world.The only two people that can help you are either kidnapped or incapable of leaving home without losing their mind. Also, you can’t swim. Not even in fake water.
Game 2: You decided to fight monsters for a living for some reason, causing the average townsfolk to look down on your occupation. Your world just got wrecked by a dragon who was hiding out in the moon and now everything’s a royal mess.
Game 3: You play a mostly-mute, armless creature with pathetic flying abilities, running around the desert in hooded robes that are probably too warm. Every so often you’ll have someone else with you. They’re mute, too.
You play someone who doesn’t give a crap about anything and turn out to be pretending you’re someone else. You regularly fight things, normally when you don’t want to.
You’re some kinda weeaboo monkeyboy, except when you’re playing as other party members like a princess in a bright orange catsuit, a clumsy and dunderheaded knight, a small black boy who manipulates the powers of darkness, a ratwoman who can leap tall builings in a single bound, a little girl who in real life would be a registered sex offender or a fat hermaphrodite creature that eats EVERYTHING, including enemies.
The villain is shockingly revealed to be monkeyboy’s brother, except even more shockingly it’s revealed that they’re both clones from outer space sent to destroy all life on the Ren Faire world you’re living in. Oh, and the art direction makes it look like a children’s picture book, on purpose.